Friday, August 28, 2009

Captain Danger: Awesome or Egotistical?

So, as my history paper-worthy title of this post says, this post is the promised sequel to the previous one, as to whether my self-applied nickname, Captain Danger, is merited. Let us begin. First of all, how does one define danger? says that danger is defined as " liability or exposure to harm or injury; risk; peril," " an instance or cause of peril; menace," or " Obsolete. power; jurisdiction; domain." While that last definition is obsolete, I definitely like it. Anyway, I am about to attempt, using real-life situations, that my superhero name is merited. While doing so, I may just prove that I'm awesome, and, that being the case, I figure that I can just call myself whatever the heck I want and have it be merited.

So, it stands to reason that Captain Danger would do dangerous things, correct? Well, let's start perusing his life. We'll start a while ago. Here we have Captain Danger, his preferred weapon in hand, one of his first victims in other hand, preparing to deal out some real damage. Okay, granted, it's a coconut, but how many people do you know who keep machetes in their house? I would guess that, for most of my readers, the answer to that is "not many." If there's something that denotes "exposure to harm," I would say that tossing a coconut up in the air and then wildly swinging at it with a machete does.

Next: we have this gem. Here I am, after a day of manhandling heavy fence posts into place and bending barb-studded wire to my will, standing at the edge of a precipitous drop into a place called Adam's Crick, which, I have to tell you, would not be fun to fall in. Trust me. One of the few things that make Captain Danger uneasy is proximity to heights from which he could fall and injure himself, and so, this picture definitely shows "risk."

As further proof, I offer the following:Now, the reader may say, "Now, Cliff, that's not dangerous! You're just riding a horse!" To that reader, I say, "You, sir (or madam) obviously don't know much about horses!" I may look to be very much at my ease, and I am in this picture, because I'm awesome. However, what many readers don't know is that most all horses are seething cauldrons of deceit and destruction, just waiting to destroy you when they feel the slightest hint of fear coming off of you. If you don't believe me, ask me sometime about the time when a horse sat on me and I couldn't lift my left arm for about a week. Not a pleasant experience. That was definitely "peril" if you ask me.

Gunfighting, as I'm sure most people will agree, is very dangerous. The idea of pacing off and then turning and firing definitely implies "liability or exposure to harm." Pieces of lead flying at fantastically fast velocities are very likely to cause harm to bodily tissues. Thankfully, I, Captain Danger, have yet to sustain harm from said pieces of flying lead. However, the chance is always there, as long as the gunfighting habit remains. However, this picture most definitely denotes danger.

On the right, we have another instance of exposure to harm by proximity to a precipitous drop. Granted, this time I'm clipped in to a rope, but you never know when said rope is going to give, and then where are you? You're stuck in a hole on the side of a wall with no way down. Of course, I'm Captain Danger, and as I have a pretty good hope that I will one day gain super powers, I'm not too worried. I'd just have to wait it out. But, for most people, this would be a very dangerous thing to attempt. Keep that in mind next time you trust a rope. "This rope could break at any time, and I have no hope of acquiring super powers in the future. Crap."

And, as the final piece of proof, I offer the most dangerous thing that I participate in: consorting with women. If anything denotes "an instance or cause of peril," it would be hanging around with women. While their company can be enjoyable, they tend to have evil boiling just under the surface that can explode at any time. Just look at that angry face on the specimen at the left!

With that, I conclude. I, personally, feel that the appellation "Captain Danger is entirely merited. I leave it up to the public to decide for themselves. The Cliff Chandler rests.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Captain Danger...Real or Imaginary?

So, it has been pointed out recently by someone that I'm not up to my typical levels of Narcissism. I'm not sure why that is, but I can agree with that. However, I figured that a good way to remedy that would be to write a blog post about myself. Thus, I am proceeding to do just that.

I thought that, in a possible series of blog posts that I will write about myself, this first one should be about one of my screen names and something that I call myself very often, though it is often abbreviated to just "Captain." Yes, I am referring to the name of Captain Danger, which would, if I were a superhero, be my superhero name, though I think everyone would know it was me really fast. I don't think that would be a problem. If I were a superhero, I don't think I would bother with an alter-ego. Heck, I'm practically a superhero already. Anyway, the question is, how did I come up with that name? That is a good question, and I'm not really sure myself. However, to really know, I think we'll have to wind the clock back a couple years.

Picture me, Cliff Chandler, weighing about 10 pounds less (believe it or not) 2 years younger, and wandering around in Monticello. His friends at the time were really talking him up. His current friends do that, too, but the friends of that time for some reason really talked him up. If people say that Cliff is a conceited guy, they must know that it isn't entirely his fault. He has had a lot of people feeding it for a while. Back in the day (2 years ago) when 2-years-younger Cliff would say, "Man, I am so awesome!" about 3 people would usually chime in and say, "Holy crap, Cliff, you're right! How did you get that way?" 2-years-younger Cliff didn't usually have an answer, because he wasn't sure himself, though he had a few ideas. Anyway, around this time, 2-years-younger Cliff started to overuse the word danger a little bit. I currently do that a little bit, but for some reason, 2-years-younger Cliff had something of a fixation with it. When he would walk around in his apartment complex he would say, "Danger!" to announce himself, though it was usually to himself.

Now, something to keep in mind is that, ever since his mission, when 2-years-younger Cliff had gotten used to calling himself by his last name, he had been calling himself various things like Mr. Chandler, or Senor Candelario (Spanish), or Captain Chandler. It came only naturally that the word that 2-years-younger Cliff was fixed upon should become his new appellation. Thus it was that I, approximately two years ago, began calling myself Captain Danger. The name has stuck, at least for me, and has expanded so that even some others have started calling me that, at least sporadically. I'm sure that, someday, when I complete the superhero journey and get powers, I will be able to use that name.

These days, it has become such second nature for me to call myself by this name that when something happens, say, I trip, or slip on a rock that I'm climbing up, I talk to myself and say something to the effect of "Watch yourself, Captain," or "Ostarozhno, Captain." (Russian) People around me probably don't have a clue what I'm talking about, but hey, if I'm ever going to be a superhero, I have to have a little bit of mystery around me, right?

Well, in conclusion, this post has been so fun to write that I think it may be the beginning of a series of posts about me. In the next post, perhaps I'll address whether I am justified in calling myself Captain Danger. I'll already tell you, I think that I am. Thank you for reading.